The Devil's Beloved, a Steamy MM Fantasy Romance (part seven)
Greetings, dear reader. It seems I've experienced a spot of bother regarding Queen Agatha's eggs, or rather, lack of eggs.
I've done everything I can to compel Agatha to lay, even going so far as to deliver heartfelt, impassioned speeches to her about the vital importance of her mission.
Still, nothing.
But anyway, it's time to contemplate substitutions that might suffice for the next ingredient: thorn bee honey.
Thorn bees are as big and fearsome as angry badgers, with enormous stingers that they swing about like posterior-hilted swords. Getting at their stores of honey requires an entire battalion, but after the skirmish, the reward is gallons of the grandest nectar found in all the Nether realms!
In my efforts to find substitute ingredients, I’ve traveled to many a local farmers market and emptied the contents of several bear-shaped containers onto my breakfast platter, but alas, I’ve yet to find honey from your coin-sized bees that comes even close to that of the thorn bee.
All that aside, it's time to return to our story.
***
Soon, Azrael was standing outside Barachiel's room. With some effort, Raphael woke the angel. Barachiel's eyes widened in fear the moment he saw who was standing in the hallway. He leapt out of bed in a panic, trying to fly out the window. Raphael caught his arm in a firm but gentle manner, and said,
"I don't want him here either, but we need to know what the envoy of Hell had to say. Azrael's the only one among us who's unfeeling enough to handle anything, no matter how atrocious." Barachiel understood, and sat on the bed.
Raphael motioned for Azrael to step back enough to let him pass through the doorway. After the physician was far enough away, Azrael entered the room, shutting the door behind him.
The medical staff waited outside. Muffled voices could be heard from behind the door. Finally, the handle began to turn. Everyone jumped back. Azrael calmly stepped out, turned to Raphael, and said,
"I have acquired all the necessary details. I will now state them in as minimalistic a fashion as possible." The angels waited with bated breath. Azrael stared at them and continued,
"Tzyeriel engaged in sexual activity with Satan." The staff stared at him, slack-jawed. When Azrael saw their response, he said,
"If need be, I can give a far more detailed account of what happened." Everyone gritted their teeth, shaking their heads no.
Azrael stood in complete silence for several moments before saying,
"I am done. I am going now."
They all breathed a sigh of relief as he left.
Raphael summoned the Archangels. Soon, they’d all gathered together in the council chamber. They were shocked by Raphael’s revelation; no one was entirely sure how to react, or what their next move should be. Michael, the leader of the Heavenly host, spoke first,
"We cannot let Satan's actions go unpunished. We have to defend Tzyeriel’s honor! Satan is a lying, deceptive snake, he must have manipulated our brother into engaging in such behavior. Tzyeriel never would have done something like this on his own, he’s righteous, chaste-"
Jophiel, the angel of beauty, murmured,
"Not from what I've heard.”
Everyone looked at him questioningly. Michael asked,
"What do you mean?” Jophiel cleared his throat and said,
"There have been rumors going around about Tzyeriel, things that have been whispered among the lower ranks of Heaven as of late. I would have brought the matter to light sooner, but I wasn’t sure whether or not the minor angels were simply engaging in their usual gossip.”
Michael, grim-faced, said,
"We need to investigate further into this matter."
They all nodded in unison. It was decided that Jophiel would be the one to look into the situation, as he had been the one to bring up Tzyeriel's alleged misconduct. The lovely angel bid the others farewell as he flew through the portal that connected the realms.
***
As Jophiel flew over the blighted landscape of Hell, all manner of horrid, malodorous demons flew close, taunting him. He wished he could slap them away, but as an ambassador of the higher realms, he was required to maintain a certain level of decorum.
After what seemed like an endless journey, he reached the gates of Satan's palace. The watchmen knew better than to try to bar the entrance of an Archangel. They quickly opened the massive doors, allowing him to cross the black marble threshold.
Jophiel was surprised by the castle's grandeur. The walls were decorated with all manner of hauntingly delicate paintings, each bearing Satan's seal. Life-sized carved busts of Paganini, Mozart, and Beethoven were displayed like icons. Set along the hallways were statues of fallen angels, including Lucifer.
Jophiel frowned at the sight of the Morningstar. The ancient angel had once been so bright and full of good cheer, but had gone completely mad, spreading his libertine notions to several of Heaven’s inhabitants.
Jophiel pushed open the doors of the throne room. He peered inside, but Satan and Tzyeriel were nowhere to be seen. Instead, he was greeted by Abaddon, who was pacing back and forth anxiously. Upon seeing the lovely angel, Abaddon beamed and exclaimed,
"Jophiel! Oh, I’m overjoyed to see you, it's been such a long time!"
He went to embrace the lovely angel, but Jophiel froze standoffishly. A few locusts were flying about, making chirping sounds all the while. Jophiel looked at the insects disdainfully, and said,
"Poor Barachiel, your message made him terribly upset." Abaddon nodded, and replied,
"My apologies, but it could not be helped. If word got out about Satan's dalliance with Tzyeriel, it could cause absolute anarchy within Hell." He glanced at the locusts, turned to Jophiel, and said,
"I will send them away so we may openly discuss this rather sordid topic." He waved his fingers in the air, pointing towards the open doorway. The insects followed his gesture, all flying off at once. Jophiel closed the door behind him, and turned to speak.
***
I have the most splendid news! Through a most unexpected turn of events, I've found the perfect honey substitution!
As I was finishing my dictation to Stinksnort, Blarg asked if I wanted some pancakes. When I pointed out we were out of honey, he suggested I'd been using the wrong topping. After several minutes of fussing over the skillet, he slid a plate of pancakes towards me with a grin and asked,
"Ever tried these with syrup?" I stared at him in utter bewilderment and replied,
"Syrup? I’ve never tried such a breakfast topping." Blarg responded by pouring a generous dose of syrup over the pancakes and handing the plate over to me. I reluctantly took a bite, not knowing what to expect.
A burst of light went off behind my eyes. The combination of flavors danced across my tongue, what bliss!
It turns out that instead of sending my army after the thorn bees, I simply could have had one of my minions travel to a human grocery store.
Oh dear.